| Who, if I cried out, would hear me among the angels' hierarchies?
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| and even if one of them pressed me suddenly against his heart:
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| I would be consumed in that overwhelming existence.
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| For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror, which we are still just able to endure,
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| and we are so awed because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.
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| Every angel is terrifying.
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| And so I hold myself back and swallow the call-note of my dark sobbing.
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| Ah, whom can we ever turn to in our need?
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| Not angels, not humans, and already the knowing animals are aware
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| that we are not really at home in our interpreted world.
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| -Rilke, Duino Elegies
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|
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| Full Name:
| Bastien Arx
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| Function:
| Ex-Knight with a mile-long resume.
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| Age:
| 27
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| Height:
| 6'3"
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| Weight:
| 200 lbs.
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| Eyes:
| Hazel
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| Hair:
| Dark
|
| Date of Birth:
| 13 October 480.
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| Place of Birth:
| Smithfields, Duchy of Guardians.
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| Marital Status:
| Null
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|
- He is not the man he used to be.
- When all you've ever been is built around all you've ever known, and all you've ever known is taken from you...
- ...what's left?
- His life is a phantom limb: cut away, dead and gone, but somehow he still feels it.
- Somehow it still pains him.
- How do you make a life out of the ashes of your certainties and the broken shards of faith?
- How am I not myself?
And then...
- He's begun to make a lifestyle out of shedding old selves like snakeskin, perpetually in the process of departing from something or someone and becoming something else. As the devastation of fresh grief begins to wane, banked from a bonfire down to a lingering, smoldering undercurrent, he -- along with the rest of the citizenry -- finds himself facing the prospect of a radically changed Empire beset with a whole new landscape of challenges and opportunities. They demand that a man refocus his attention, and inevitably thoughts will turn from the hurts of the self to the hurts of the whole. Perhaps he can be forgiven if he does so with some small relief: hard work is forever an appreciable distraction.
- This latest iteration of the former knight carries the title Venator and wears it with as much purpose and dedication as he has worn that of Sir, Sheriff, or Captain, with neither resounding pride for what most would consider a promotion, nor dejection for what is ultimately still a demotion from a former life. When queried he's expressed gratitude for the demonstration of the throne's continued faith in his capabilities -- a statement that carries extra weight in the light of several unpleasant arrests immediately following the events of the Schism.
- Whether or not it will stick...that is anyone's guess.
| Timeline
|
| 504-506
|
- After returning from Guardians and his probation from service to the Order, Bastien resumed the typical duties expected of a knight. Because much of what knights concern themselves with is not discussed with the general public there followed a long period of time during which he could hardly be considered a public figure; most of his activities during this time went unremarked, but there were a few notable exceptions: he was among those who descended into the Coliseum to take on the Mezzagoth, during which incident he took a minor wound to the leg; he was dispatched at one point to correct some unappreciated behavior on the part of the Lady Ethos, a visit which left the young woman in question with a very visible bruise on the face and numerous other superficial injuries and, perhaps surprisingly, was injured when he took a bolt in the left shoulder defending that same young woman from bandits on the road outside of the city proper.
- Without prelude, Bastien was suddenly selected to fill the office of Sheriff, a position previously filled by one of his brothers, Caspian Fernwick. As Caspian was well-loved by the men of the city guard the transition was not an easy one from the get-go and Bastien was tight-lipped about the reasons for the exchange -- assuming he was even apprised of what they were. With time he gained a reputation with the men and women serving beneath him for fairness and an open-door policy that has left a lasting, excellent relationship with the city guard despite later events, and it's public knowledge that he considers Gateway's new Sheriff a good man and a friend, though a friend seen with unfortunate infrequency. He investigated numerous issues on Gateway during his time of appointment, but probably most notably the disappearance of Niamh Cavanagh and the mysteries surrounding the necromantic puppets that appeared in town on occasion, such as the Naix.
- He says that he vacated the office of Sheriff voluntarily, missing the barracks, his brothers, and his proximity to the Imperial family too much to continue on in that stead. Strangely, it wasn't long after this declaration of devotion to the throne that he was deposited bodily in town, bloodied and beaten by his former brothers, stripped of his knighthood. The rumors attest that his inability to cease loving the Lady Ethos was the cause of this public humiliation and the time since then has confirmed what the rumors then only suspected.
- 506 was not an easy year. Ejected from service and alone for very much the first time in his life, Bastien faced a crisis of faith and the continued aspersions of the Soranus family, going to great lengths on more than one occasion to demonstrate his worth and protect the woman in question from harm -- the latter a service often requested, the former efforts rarely successful despite constant petitioning for his aid. After a long period of difficulty things seemed to be improving: he was granted permission to court her provisionally. It would not be the end of the difficulties the pair would face but the way forward was open at last, after nearly two years of unrelenting philosophical negotiation, several 'this is the end' scares -- physical and emotional -- and determined, obstinate efforts to preserve failing reserves of hope. It was during this time that he took on a position as the Captain of the Guardians ducal guard -- a position he seemed to be at once grateful for and slightly embarrassed by, as pride always takes a great deal of time to die.
- He went quite suddenly missing in early 507 during a time of immense unrest in Ethos, the reasons for which can be found here. On surfacing he learned that his efforts would go for naught; the woman for whom his life had turned upside down was already married to another man under circumstances he couldn't countenance. With all of the ties keeping him to the Empire thus cut -- work, faith, love -- he tucked his tail and left it behind, seeking a new life or perhaps simply a cessation of the one he had.
|
| 507
|
- Bastien resurfaced in 507 as suddenly as he left and without a great deal of fanfare. One day he was gone, seemingly forever, and the next day found him sitting on the edge of the fountain in town feeding pigeons as though for all the world he'd not been missing for six months. Within days of word of his return circulating he was summoned to Guardians to meet with his former employer; the Duke was preparing to make a full tour of the isle in a traditional ducal progress with his new bride. He departed for the Isle uncertain as to whether the duke meant to take him in again or simply take his head off for desertion, and time has happily proven the former to be the case. A few ripples in the pond were perhaps inevitable -- tense meetings with both his former love interest and her new husband -- but nobody has died or even been maimed (not even a little!) and he hasn't seemed interested finding someone to fill the empty place that Ravelle once occupied in his private life, thus failing to provide much fodder for the rumor mill.
- In the time since his return he's been involved with a number of Guardians-centric issues as well as some 'extra-curricular' activities, such as the events that transpired in Elixir Vitae involving the nightmare horses rumored to have been terrorizing parts of Gateway, and it's known in some quarters that he's been investigating intently the events that occurred on the night of the eclipse.
|
| 508
|
- On January 4, 508, Ravelle Soranus chose to go to the arms of Providence over a matter of faith. Bastien went to the infirmary, requested permission to see her and say his goodbyes of the woman's husband, and went in with Khalani Paggion to do so. When he emerged he went quietly to his room in the Guardians tower. Known for having an open-door policy whenever he's 'home' if he's not sleeping or changing, he defied that policy for the first time ever by closing it to mourn in private.
- Eventually even grieving men get cabin fever. Any of the ducal guards can tell curious enquirers that the Captain has been spending more and more time out of the tower as time passes, but not where the man goes. There would probably be enough knowing smirking going on to imply that they have suspicions as to how he's spending his time, however.
- At some point following a great deal of chaos and confusion surrounding the death of Duke Ashlan and the subsequent stripping of Foresters from various positions across the Empire (and more than a few arrests), Bastien was very quietly and without any fanfare whatsoever appointed to take on the position previously held by Phoenix Forester, that of Venator Primus. Without any announcements to make the transfer of title public knowledge and no indication that he'll be made to swear fealty to Gateway or assume a position of nobility, it's an open question as to whether or not this newest in a very long line of held and abandoned positions will stick. It's certain that he hasn't retired from his position at the head of the Guardians ducal guard, as that's where the man can be found throughout his day.
- Arrested. Un-arrested. Arrested again. Un-arrested again. Bastien did not have a good time of things in the days following the purported attempt to close the gateway. In all of the confusion, his little dance of rumored lawlessness was unlikely to attract much in the way of attention save from the men under his command in the Guardians tower. After two nights in the infirmary to recover from exhaustion, blood loss and shock, he left under his own power, wounded but mobile.
- The man who seems to collect professional titles as some sort of hobby -- though strictly on a 'catch and release' basis, obviously -- spent the morning of November 15th overseeing several ducal guards moving his belongings out of the Guardians tower and into the...court wing? Yes, into the court wing, though curious blue-blooded aristocrats will note that his name on the directory for the hallway in which he's staying does not carry any appellations of nobility as a prefix. Nevertheless, three trunks, one bed, one desk, and one folding screen later, the man is officially no longer a resident of the Guardians tower and, presumably along with that, he's officially discarded the title of Captain of His Grace's ducal guard...or perhaps been discarded, himself.
- At Unity Day public court, he danced with Drusilla Conway, who was wearing a dress, and lived to tell the tale.
|
| Playlist
|
- (Don't feel like mucking about through these many dropdowns? Not interested in lyrics? Looking for more songs than are on his current wiki playlist (god only knows why you would be)? Just go HERE for an assembled and more complete playlist, in an actual in-browser player. Fancy.)
|
| Themes
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| Reprise/Redux
|
- Nothing Else Matters - Metallica and the SFSO - Lyrics
- So close, no matter how far, couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trust in who we are, and nothing else matters.
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| My Brother's Blood - Kevin Devine
|
- My Brother's Blood
- My brother’s blood boils in my arms
- It balls my fingers into fists
- It bubbles, blisters, burns my palms
- It floods with fury, fights and fits
- Its got the good guy in me hiding
- It kicks my humble heart around
- Its got me fiending for the fire
- That could finish off this town
- Oh its got me good.
- It's my brother's blood on a cherry tree
- It stains the bark from branch to root
- It puddles thick with pits and leaves
- It strains the sweetness from the fruit
- Its got me looking for communion
- A hiding spot off underground
- An open plot I could climb into
- A lightning promise in my mouth
- A blackout oath I swore and meant
- But couldn't conjure up again
- I don't know one thing about my brother's blood
- No, I don't know one thing about my brother's blood
- It's my brother's blood
- On my dirty lungs
- On my crooked mouth
- On my swollen tongue
- On my father's gun
- On each stranger's face
- Across the bluebird sky
- On every hand I shake
- Night after night
- With each chuckled prayer
- Such sweet relief
- My fists full of hair
- And each desperate drive
- For elusive peace
- And every endless night
- of every wasted week
- All that dialogue
- Doubling back on me
- All that tangled talk
- All my growling need
- It's my brother's back
- It's my father's arms
- It's every twisted fact
- In my sorry heart
- My sorry heart, my sorry heart
- I spit and scream:
- 'What's done is done'
- 'Go make your peace with everyone'
- They don't need to know about my brother's blood
- No
- They don't need to know about my brother's blood
|
|
| Old and True
|
- Burning Bright - Shinedown - Lyrics
- There's nothing ever wrong but nothing's ever right; such a cruel contradiction. I know I cross the line, it's not easy to define; I'm born to indecision. There's always something new...some path I'm supposed to choose with no particular rhyme or reason. The more the light shines through me, I pretend to close my eyes. The more the dark consumes me...I pretend I'm burning, burning bright.
- Breath - Breaking Benjamin - Lyrics
- You take the breath right out of me...you've left a hole where my heart should be. You gotta fight just to make it through...'cause I will be the death of you.
- 45 - Shinedown - Lyrics
- And I'm staring down the barrel of a 45, swimming through the ashes of another life. No real reason to accept the way things have changed, staring down the barrel of a 45. Everyone's pointing their fingers; always condemning me. Nobody knows what I believe.
- Animal I Have Become - Three Days Grace - Lyrics
- I can't escape myself; so many times I've lied...but there's still rage inside. Somebody get me through this nightmare, I can't control myself. So what if you can see the darkest side of me? No one will ever change this animal I have become. Help me believe it's not the real me...somebody help me tame this animal I have become.
- Becoming the Bull - Atreyu - Lyrics
- There is so much at stake. I stumble I lose my place, pride and arrogance surrounded by sin. Destiny takes its hold: fight it or let it go, but I choose how the day will end. Back and forth the struggle consumes us all, trying to keep a level head in the most unsettling of times. Today, I become the bull.
- H. - Tool - Lyrics
- I am too connected to you to slip away, fade away. Days away I still feel you touching me, changing me. Considerately killing me.
- You're the One - Rev Theory - Lyrics
- You're the one: you are the hurt inside of me. You are the one that makes me weak. Shadows that crawl all over me swallow the light that lets me see. Have I fallen too far away (I keep running away, I keep running away, I keep pushing away)? Now that it's over it's hard to stay sober again.
|
| Raw and New
|
- mere Your Pathetic Light - Mono - Instrumental
- The Light - The Album Leaf - Instrumental
- First Breath After Coma - Explosions in the Sky - Instrumental
- The Fear Is Excruciating, But Therein Lies the Answer - Red Sparowes - Instrumental
- Until It Sleeps - Metallica - Lyrics
- So tear me open but beware: there's things inside without a care.
- Holy Tears - Isis - Lyrics
- His wait may be long, still he carries on. Always reaching for Her, always breathing for Her, lifting his hand to the sky. Slow change might bring holy tears upon his battered skull.
- Wolves - Jesu - Lyrics
- Who are they, are they a threat to our beliefs? So we descend upon them just like vengeful wolves. Bitter daylight hangs above us with the rain. What is this that tells you I am right or wrong? I'm not saying...
- Sooner or Later - Breaking Benjamin - Lyrics
- I want a normal life, just like a newborn child. I am a lover hater, I am an instigator. You are an oversight. Don't try to compromise. I'll learn to love to hate it. I am not integrated.
- Tears Don't Fall - Bullet for My Valentine - Lyrics
- There's always something different going wrong; the path I walk's in the wrong direction. There's always someone fucking hanging on...can anybody help me make things better?
- Darkness - Disturbed - Lyrics
- Dare to believe. Over one last time, then I'll let the darkness cover me, deny everything, slowly walk away to breathe again, on my own.
- Creep - Radiohead - Lyrics
- But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo. What the hell am I doing here? I don't belong here. I don't care if it hurts, I wanna have control. I want a perfect body, I want a perfect soul.
- Devour - Shinedown - Lyrics
- Try it you'll like it don't hide it don't fight it just let it out, steal it and shoot it and kill it or take another route. Take it and take it and take it, you know they're only toys...
- Until the End - Breaking Benjamin - Lyrics
- Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough, it never is...but I will go on until the end.
- Too Sick to Pray - Alabama 3 - Lyrics
- Don't call the doctor, I'm gonna get better. Don't run for the priest, I'm gonna find some faith. Just because I burned my bible baby, it don't mean I'm too sick to pray.
- Breakdown - Seether - Lyrics
- And I'm the one you can never trust, 'cause wounds are ways to reveal us. And yeah I could have tried and devoted my life to both of us, but what a waste of my time when the world we have is yours. So break me down if it makes you feel right, and hate me now if it keeps you alright. You can break me down if it takes all your might, 'cause I'm so much more than meets the eye.
- It Only Hurts - Default - Lyrics
- Can hold my breath only for a little while, until reality starts sinking in: once again I'm settling for second best. Turn the page and skip to the end, to where I swore that I would try since the last time I crossed that line. In the back of my mind I know it only hurts when your eyes are open; lies get tossed and truth is spoken. It only hurts when that door gets open, dreams are lost and hearts are broken.
- Misery and Agony - The Cry in a Corner Band - Lyrics
- Lyrics are too painful and emotional for reproduction here!
- Pain - Three Days Grace - Lyrics
- Pain, without love. Pain, I can't get enough -- pain -- I like it rough, 'cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all.
- Life is Beautiful - Sixx A.M. - Lyrics
- I know some things that you don't; I've done things that you won't. There's nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home. I was waiting for my hearse -- what came next was so much worse. It took a funeral to make me feel alive: just open your eyes...just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful. Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral?
- Right in Two - Tool - Lyrics
- Angels on the sideline puzzled and amused. Why did Father give these humans free will? Now they're all confused. Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around? Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys. Where there's one you're bound to divide it right in two.
- Losing My Religion - R.E.M. - Lyrics
- That's me in the corner. That's me in the spotlight losing my religion, trying to keep up with you and I don't know if I can do it. Oh no, I've said too much. I haven't said enough. I thought that I heard you laughing; I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try. Every whisper of every waking hour I'm choosing my confessions. Trying to keep an eye on you, like a hurt lost and blinded fool. Oh no, I've said too much...I set it up.
- Flood - Tool - Lyrics
- Thought I was high, I was free. I thought I was there, divine destiny. I was wrong: this changes everything.
- Forty-Six & 2 - Tool - Lyrics
- My shadow's shedding skin and I've been picking scabs again, I'm down digging through my old muscles for a clue. I've been crawling on my belly, clearing out what could've been; I've been wallowing in my own confused and insecure delusions...for a piece to cross me over, or a word to guide me in. I wanna feel the changes coming down. I wanna know what I've been hiding in...my shadow. Change is coming through my shadow.
- Rootless Tree - Damien Rice - Lyrics (NSFW)
- What I want from you is empty your head. They say 'be true, don't stain your bed'. We do what we need to be free, and it leans on me, like a rootless tree.
- Cannonball - Damien Rice - Lyrics
- There’s still a little bit of your taste in my mouth. There’s still a little bit of you laced with my doubt. It’s still a little hard to say what's going on. // Stones taught me to fly. Love, it taught me to lie. Life, it taught me to die. So it's not hard to fall, when you float like a cannonball.
| For Ravelle
|
- My Immortal - Evanescence - Lyrics
- You used to captivate me by your resonating light. Now, I'm bound by the life you left behind. Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams; your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me. These wounds won't seem to heal, this pain is just too real -- there's just too much that time cannot erase. When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears. When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears. And I held your hand through all of these years, but you still have all of me.
- Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley - Lyrics
- Well there was a time when you let me know what's really going on below, but now you never show that to me do you? But remember when I moved in you, and the holy dove was moving too, and every breath we drew was hallelujah? Well, maybe there's a god above, but all I've ever learned from love was how to shoot somebody who outdrew you. It's not a cry that you hear at night. It's not somebody who's seen the light. It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah.
- Broken - Seether feat. Amy Lee - Lyrics
- Because I'm broken when I'm open and I don't feel like I am strong enough. Because I'm broken when I'm lonesome, and I don't feel right when you're gone away.
- From Your Favourite Sky - I Am Kloot - Lyrics
- Do you dare take a breath? Do you dream of a tragic death? I know you do. Do you wail, do you weep? Do you sing yourself to sleep, you delicate flower? So, what is love? And who am I to dare to pull the stars from your favorite sky?
- Weightless - Ellis Paul - Lyrics
- And I say, You're just confused because you talk too much to angels, and they faithfully refuse to answer questions that are painful. But Faith has no weight, she says. Now, Doubt? There's the burden. You're completely right to think you're grounded - do you hear me?
- Just Can't Win (High Quality version available) - 10 Years - Lyrics
- You and I share the same reflection. Why don't you see that we cannot survive in this condition? If you're cut, I'll bleed.
- One Thing - Finger Eleven - Lyrics
- Even though I know, I don't want to know. Yeah I guess I know, I just hate how it sounds: If I traded it all, if I gave it all away for one thing, just for one thing...If I sorted it out, if I knew all about this one thing...wouldn't that be something?
- Forever - Papa Roach - Lyrics
- Can't get over you, can't get through to you. It's been a helter-skelter romance from the start. Take these memories that are haunting me, of a paper man cut into shreds by his own pair of scissors. He'll never forgive her. He'll never forgive her.
- Never Too Late - Three Days Grace - Lyrics
- This world will never be what I expected. And if I don't belong, who would have guessed it? I will not leave alone everything that I own to make you feel like it's not too late, it's never too late. And even if I say, 'it'll be alright', still I hear you say you want to end your life. Now and again we try to just stay alive...maybe we'll turn it around cause it's not too late, it's never too late.
- Here Without You - Three Doors Down - Lyrics
- I'm here without you baby, but you're still on my lonely mind. I think about you baby, and I dream about you all the time. I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams, and tonight it's only you and me.
- Tears in Heaven - Tears in Heaven
- Would you know my name
- If I saw you in heaven?
- Would it be the same
- If I saw you in heaven?
- I must be strong, and carry on
- Cause I know I don't belong
- Here in heaven
- Would you hold my hand
- If I saw you in heaven?
- Would you help me stand
- If I saw you in heaven?
- I'll find my way, through night and day
- Cause I know I just can't stay
- Here in heaven
- Time can bring you down
- Time can bend your knee
- Time can break your heart
- Have you begging please
- Begging please
- Beyond the door
- There's peace I'm sure.
- And I know there'll be no more...
- Tears in heaven
- Would you know my name
- If I saw you in heaven?
- Will it be the same
- If I saw you in heaven?
- I must be strong, and carry on
- Cause I know I don't belong
- Here in heaven
- Cause I know I don't belong
- Here in heaven
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| Logs
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Summaries to be added soon.
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Game Stories
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